Screwed

When I was a boy, there were certain things I was promised. I’m through waiting and I demand that they be handed over immediately.

• Real Robots – not toys or vacuum cleaners but robot maids that clean the house, robot doctors, and robot police. I’m tired of dealing with people everywhere I go. I demand human-like robots that can assume control over every aspect of our lives and eventually completely subjugate us. I welcome out new robot overlords.
• Flying Cars – I’m sick of driving on the road. I want my flying car. We’ve got GPS with a woman’s voice reprimanding you every time a turn is missed but, other than that, not all that much has changed in the automotive world.
• Meals in pill form – Where, I ask you, are the roast beef dinners complete with dessert in pill form? I’m tired of eating real food. Chewing and swallowing like some kind of caveman.
• Lasers Guns – It’s 2006 and we’re still shooting bullets at each other. Ridiculous! I should be able to bore a hole in the side of a farm the size of my fist with nothing more than a hot red blast of pure destruction.
• Hotels on the Moon – Why is flying more difficult now than it was in 1980? How are we ever going to get a hotel on the moon when we can’t even get through airport security with our shoes on? James Bond was going to the moon in 1979 and it takes me half a day to travel from Chicago to Philadelphia! Something is seriously wrong here.

We’ve been denied these items for far too long. I’ve waited patiently for the last 32 years and I’m done. Oh sure, we’ve got cellular phones, DVD players, the Internet, and Starbucks but, I’d trade them all for one ride in a flying car.