Teaching

Ahh teaching. There's no greater satisfaction than knowing you've put someone to sleep. Realizing that the sound of your voice droning on for hours is as powerful as any sleeping pill is the ultimate power trip. As Sponge Bob says, "at least its all behind me now." That's right, my five day flirtation with teaching is over. It's amazing how being in a classroom setting turns otherwise intelligent people into idiots. I've taught classes like this a few times, so I can pretty much classify the students on the first day. You've got the person who's going to disagree with everything you say just on principal. When questioned, they simply rephrase the same thing you just said and spit it back at you. Then there's the guy who wants to be your best friend. He'll start really uncomfortable conversations at any opportunity. "Hey, I know a bald guy from Chicago!" Yes, he actually said that. The trick is to act really busy during breaks so that he doesn't want to bother you. I always enjoy the person who cannot follow instructions that have clearly been written for a trained monkey. Something always goes disastrously wrong and its never their fault. Oh yes, I always look forward to that woman in the back who does nothing but check email and text message through the entire course. It's not like this is the third grade, you don't have to be here. I'm not taking attendance, as long as I get an evaluation form you can stay home! Fill it out on the first day and save everyone the trouble. I wonder which category I fall into when I'm the student.

There is an upside. On the last day of class, that one person comes up and shakes your hand, thanks you, and says "I really learned a lot." It makes all the disastrous demos, difficult people, and late nights learning the material (the night before class) worth it. I'm not a teacher but, it gives me a little insight into why teachers teach. Oh sure, they act all bitter and jaded but I know deep down inside, when they see a student grasp something new and apply it, it's a satisfaction few people get to experience. I don't particularly enjoy my infrequent stints as the teacher, but I do enjoy those moments. Plus, everyone assumes you know what your talking about even when you have no clue! It's great. Now if I could just get into the Teachers' Lounge....