The Tribune Woke Me Up for Nothing

It was with baited breath that I peered out the window onto the dew covered landscape this morning. The suspense was at an end. I would finally see if the mighty Tribune could muster enough organizational and navigational prowess to place their newspaper onto my gleaming driveway. Imagine my disappointment as I gazed out at an abandoned wasteland. Tumbleweeds blowing past in the breeze. You woke me at 6:58 AM demanding to know my location and, this is how I am repayed? Our brief relationship is over. I no longer want your news, comics, or sales flyers. I can suckle at the teat of the Internet for my informational nourishment. Keep your dead trees. You'll rue the Sunday you failed to deliver our paper (for the fourth week in a row).