Sorry Ladies

Sorry ladies, I know you all thought I was the most handsome alopecia beneficiary around. I hate to break it to you but that may not be the case. A little research has turned up a few competitors:

• Humphrey Bogart
• Stone Cold Steve Austin
• Patrick Stewart
• Christopher Reeve
• Billy Zane
• Seal

That's right, they all suffered from alopecia and let me tell you, you people with hair are kinda yucky. You're always shedding and leaving hair everywhere you go, ick. It's just not right. So there you go, who can compete with the Casablanca guy, a professional wrestler, Captain Picard/Professor X, Superman, a guy who was on the Titanic, the dude married to Heidi Klum, and 5 million other people in the United States.