United Fails at being an Airline

Dear United Airlines,

I understand that times are tough and fuel is expensive and scheduling is, like, really, really complicated and stuff. I know you just got rid of most of the employees that are actually responsible for flying the planes. I feel bad that you've got weather and equipment and people and tickets and the TSA and the FAA and any number of other real downers to deal with on a daily basis. I just want to offer up one suggestion: look at your flight schedule and calculate how many hours that schedule will require the crew to work. If it's more hours than they can work, you might want to, oh, I don't know, hire more crew (or schedule fewer flights)! It's not hard, you can probably figure it out with some scratch paper and a calculator. You can even get a solar powered one that won't use any electricity or anything.  Maybe I'm underestimating the complexity. Maybe it takes tons of computers, spreadsheets, whiteboards, and/or slide-rules to figure out. If so, let me know and I can hook you up with any of those (well, except the slide rule). In any case, if you can't manage to somehow handle the advanced mathematical concepts of addition and subtraction required, please stop blaming your problems on those totally stingy dudes at the FAA and their stupid laws. "Pilots need 8 hours of rest between shifts? That sucks!" We know it's really your fault but we understand, because running an airline is really hard. Maybe someday you'll manage to get it right.

Deepest Sympathy,

Steve