Fingers Crossed

It looks like the end of an era. Lori has a buyer for her condo. The place that will forever be known as "Aunt Lori's House" may soon belong to someone else. I'm excited for her as she moves on to the next stage in her life. Keeping my fingers crossed for a smooth closing and looking forward to the purchase of a stately manor to serve as her next home (with John of course).

The Devil in the White City

If you live or have ever lived in Chicago, this is a fascinating book. Buy it now (or borrow it from me). The Columbian Exposition is just an incredibly fascinating topic. What was so great about the Columbian Exposition, you ask? The first Ferris Wheel (250 feet high!), the introduction of Aunt Jemima pancake mix, Cracker Jacks, Shreded Wheat, Juicy Fruit, hamburgers, and for many people, the first view of electrical lighting. It was also attended by Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, Buffalo Bill, Susan B. Anthony, Annie Oakley, Grover Cleveland and many others. Imagine Jackson Park transformed into a gigantic neo-classical (much to Louis Sullivan's dismay) white city. If you need a visual, the Museum of Science and Industry is the last remaining building from the fair. The scale and grandeur of the construction is just unimaginable. The fact that the hog butcher to the world upstaged Paris and beat New York to host the fair just boosts your civic pride. It made me want to drive around and see the locations in the book. Combine the wonder of the World's Fair with the story of a mysterious serial killer and it gets even better. The best part is that its all true. As always Wikipedia has an excellent entry on the fair.

Factor This!

The first step towards working on my MBA is taking this mysterious test know as the GMAT. Let me just express my surprise that it has math questions! I spent a couple hours last night re-learning 4 years of grammar school pre-Algebra. Now if that sounds silly to you, get out a sheet of paper and divide 789.25 by 12.3, no calculators. Do it the old fashioned way, I'll wait.  La la la, dum dum dum. Can't remember how? Don't feel bad, neither did I. We learned this in the sixth grade so it's obviously a basic math skill but after sixteen years of programming computers and using a calculator I can't remember how to do it. Long division wasn't the only mathematical skill my brain had jettisoned while I wasn't looking. Prime numbers, see ya! Factors, buh-bye! Fractions, gone! I can barely figure out enough fractions to use the little tick marks on tape measure. I mean honestly, its 2006,  can't we just use a laser to measure stuff? Shouldn't a robot be handling this?

I even had some of the exact same thoughts I had back in grammar school. To divide fractions, you invert and multiply. Who the hell thought of that? A negative times a negative equals a positive. What? Where's my calculator, I need to verify this. It also got me to thinking that in a lot of ways, we leave grammar school a lot more self sufficient than we leave college. In the eighth grade we could recite out multiplication tables like soldiers in out sleep, "9 * 9 = 81, this is my rifle, this is my gun." Now I occasionally have to stop and think. Quick, what's 9 * 8?  It's 72, I verified it with a calculator.

Oh, I can hardly wait for the writing and verbal skills sections.

Thanks Bank of America, I Think

I recently received a letter from Bank of America stating that "some or all" or my personal information "may" have been exposed. No further explanation was given other than a brief statement saying that they (Bank of America) were not the party responsible for the loss of data and that as a precaution, they would be closing my account and issuing new cards. Oh ya, and since I'm such a good customer they would be raising my credit limit. I assume this is to increase the risk of my complete financial ruin when the next inadvertent data loss takes place. I'm not alone in this since apparently they "lost" the data for a million customers and they "lost" the data for another 670,000 customers.  Maybe we should go back to just stuffing all our money into mattresses that our kids can accidentally throw away when we die.

Text Messaging

I'm not sure when talking on the phone went out of style, but I overheard a woman on the train complaining that her teenage son had racked up a $1000 cell phone bill last month. Apparently, he was text messaging with his girlfriend. Have you ever tried typing with your thumbs on a numeric keypad? You have to push the "2" button three times to get a letter "c". So, by my calculations, if I wanted to spell "car", it would involve no less than seven key presses.  This leads me to the stunning conclusion that the phone company must be charging per key press! I mean otherwise, nobody could have $1000 worth of messages, right? So, as a service to my teenage readers, I'll suggest that you use words that involve the least amount of key presses. Words like "add", "mat", and "an". Words that contain only a, d, g, j, m, p, t, and w are the best. Words that contain b, e, h, k, n, q, u, and x should be used sparingly. Words that contain c, f, i, l, o, r, v, and y should be avoided. The dreaded letters s and z should never be used. While this might not be conducive to any sort of meaningful conversation, I can assure you all as a former teenager, that no conversation you have via text messaging (or any other medium) is actually meaningful. I might also suggest that you just use the damn phone for talking like every other annoying human being on the planet.

First Class

I'm officially registered for my first graduate course: Fundamentals of Accounting and Finance. This is exactly the type of course I struggled to avoid my first time through college. Its just like that recurring nightmare I have where I discover that I'm one course short of receiving my degree. The only problem now is that I'm 12 courses short. On the upside, I can use that handy dandy Amazon link on the right to order my text books. My experiment in online education begins September 5th. I'm very curious to see how the experience turns out.

Congratulations Milwaukee

Congratulations to the citizens of Milwaukee, you officially live in the drunkest town in America! Having spent quite a few months working with our northern neighbors, I can verify these finding. I'd also like to add that Milwaukee is the city most likely to deep fry something. I sampled deep fried hard boiled eggs, deep fried cheese curds and many other unidentifiable deep fried items during my time there. Congratulations to another city I know well, Boston. They came in fourth place. Chicago placed a respectable 6th. Las Vegas came in a distant 14th. I think they better buckle down and get to work.

Ted's Band

Ahh Wikipedia, you give so much and ask for so little (just like TV and beer). Without you I never would have come across the extremely detailed entry onthe NBC television show Scrubs. I would never have learned that Ted's Band is, in fact, a real band named The Blanks.  I also would have never known that The Blanks have a web site. I don't particularly enjoy a cappella music but, if you do, it's your lucky day. Maybe I should Ask a Ninja if he likes a cappella music.

Kids on a Helicopter

Better than Snakes on a Plane I hear. Frankfort Village Trustee Jake Perrillo posted a couple more pictures of Emma on the helicopter. 

Excitement in the Park

The Illinois State Treasurer and gubernatorial candidate Judy Topinka visited our seedy little burg of Frankfort today. She was here to speak about property tax relief. While I certainly could use some of that, the truly exciting part was that her helicopter landed across the street from our house. Just try and keep a five year old (and her parents) away from a helicopter! The pilot was very accommodating and more than happy to let one little girl climb all around the helicopter. He even answered every "What does this button do?" with a patient answer. We had to tear Emma away. 

Pluto Gets Screwed

The planet, not the dog. Grammar school kids around the world can celebrate a small victory as science tests get just a little easier. With the demotion of Pluto to a dwarf planet, our solar system now only has eight official planets.  That's right kids, now you only have to memorize eight of them. That's 11% fewer planets you have to remember for your next exam! I also feel the need to warn scientists everywhere, do not mess with Uranus. I think even scientists laugh when they say Uranus. As long as they leave that planet alone, the kids and I will be OK.

The Wheels on the Bus

The first "real" day of school went off without a hitch. After bus stop reports of throwing up, crying and all manor of nervous manifestations, I'm happy to say Emma had none of those. Mom and I were probably feeling the worst of the stress. I have to admit, I was a little sad to see her board that yellow vehicle. As the seeds of independence begin to sprout, I long for the needy little girl. The sadness is tempered by the anticipation of seeing her get off that bus and (hopefully) tell me all about her fist day.

Blatant Capitalism

Since introducing Google Ads to the blog was such a resounding success ($1.37 and counting), I've decided to become an Amazon Associate.  If you're going to make a purchase from Amazon, please use the link to the right. I'll get a bit of a commission and it won't cost you anything.

In case you have visions of the monopoly guy with his monocle and top hat lighting cigars with $100 bills, let me assure you that the 4% commission will be used only for good: helping the poor, putting my daughter through school, and the occasional bottle of wine.  Oh, and paying the hosting fee for this site.

Camera Phones

This is what happens when a five year old gets a hold of a camera phone. Imagine my surprise when I found these on mine:

Dallas

If you took Chicago, got rid of the lake, spread out the buildings, removed most of the trees, and moved it closer to the sun or hell, you would have Dallas. Today it was 105°F. Stop and think about that for a second, that's almost half way to boiling water (for the Chemistry impaired, water boils at 212°F).  According to my research (one Google search) the hottest temperature on Earth, recorded in 1913, is 134°F in Death Valley. Sorta makes 105 look wimpy but still it feels like an invisible wall has hit you in the face, I think it's probably hot enough.

Did I mention that Dallas has lizards? In your hotel room? What the? That's right, it's so hot, the bugs have headed north to cool off. No worries though, the lizards have stayed to make sure you have a completely creepy experience during your visit. This little guy was waiting for me in my hotel room upon check-in. I guess a mint on the pillow is more of a Northern thing. Now the question I had is if it's acceptable to squish a lizard. If it were a bug I probably would have dispatched it without a second thought. A lizard just somehow seems higher on the consideration ladder. Oh, and if you stay at the Hampton Inn in Los Colinas, I wouldn't use the coffee pot in room 522.

Back to School Times Two

As summer draws to a close I can't help but wonder where the time has gone. A day is coming not once, but twice, that I never thought I would see. In just seven short days, Emma will join the ranks of the backpack equipped soldiers of knowledge. She'll say goodbye to her family and board the bus intent on what lies ahead, the school day invasion. I can only imagine the conversations with a stocky, cigar chomping five year old known only as Sarge. The bus nears the school parking lot. "OK you ladies, when that door opens I want you to hit the ground running!" "I'm scared sarge" calls a squeaky voice from the back of the bus. "We're all scared son, pull yourself together! You've been training for this day for five years, it's what you were born to do. Now move, move, move!"  Nerves raw and adrenaline pumping as she negotiates here way past the hostile first graders, through the treacherous halls and into the belly of the beast - the classroom. I'm not worried, I know she's got the training and the determination to walk out victorious. Just remember, school is hell.

And speaking of hell, I'm going back to school, and not in that cool Rodney Dangerfield way. It's time to join the ranks of mediocre middle managers everywhere and get my MBA. Based on my corporate experience, I think it stands for "Must Be an Ass", oh wait, I've just been informed that's incorrect. Never mind. It takes me back to that day in distant 1995 when I swore a sacred oath never to return to any establishment of higher learning ever again. But, I've managed to screw myself on a technicality. I'm never actually going to return to the learning establishment. In a grand experiment I'll be doing the entire thing online. That right, in addition to porn and MySpace, they now have College on the Internet.

It will be interesting to see how these experiences shape us both in the years to come. I can only take comfort in the knowledge that I'll be done in two years and Emma has like 20. Ha-ha!

Lines

As I completed a particularly satisfying diagonal mowing of the back yard, I stopped for a moment to drink in the perfection. Each line perfectly parallel to it's neighbor bringing angular order to the back yard. Then it occurred to me that this must surely be a sign of getting older. When did I start giving a damn about the lines in the lawn? This has to stop immediately. Next week its back to the completely random days of my mowing youth. OK, maybe one or two lines.