I'm Going to Disney World!

Planning a trip to Disney World is only slightly less complicated than launching the space shuttle. I'm just glad Sue is taking care of all the details. There's something wrong with having to make dinner reservations six months in advance. Flights, hotels, park choices, dinner with the princesses. I would rather just take the GMAT again. Emma better appreciate this because I'm pretty sure we're spending her college fund on this trip.

Jive Turkey

It seems like every year we have the same discussion about how long it takes the turkey to cook and every year I wish I had written it down. So, in order to preserve the precious turkey cooking secrets for posterity, I'm committing them to the portal of all human knowledge that is this blog:

• Brine the turkey for 4 hours
• Dry the turkey overnight
• Roast the turkey at 425 degrees for one hour (breast side down)
• Roast  the turkey at 325 degrees for 2-2.5 hours (breast side up) until the thigh reaches 175 degrees. Never trust the pop up thingee.
• Let the turkey rest on the cutting board for 40 minutes

I've left out some key details to keep my turkey roasting secrets safe. I'll take them to my grave!

I'm on Google

I've been eagerly awaiting the day when this blog would appear as a link near the top of the Google search results. I just never expected it to be on a search for "fixing an undercooked cheesecake." What's even weirder is I don't know how to fix one of those although, I suspect it will firm up in the refrigerator. Unless of course, you made a pumpkin cheesecake and forgot to squeeze the liquid out of the pumpkin puree. In that case, your only recourse is to call it pudding and serve it in bowls. Not that it has ever happened to me.

It Beats the River

I'm thinking the James Washer is probably one of those gift ideas you should eliminate immediately if you're considering it. Although, maybe if you spring for the Deluxe Hand Wringer, it'll be alright. Besides, it only requires a few minutes of swishing the pendulum agitator.

Dora Gone Wild

This Dora toy disturbs me. There's something about it I can't quite put my finger on. Oh, and if your looking for a great stocking stuffer, how about the Rocky Side of Beef action figure. The kids will have hours of fun training for the big fight. To round out the trio of oddly creepy toys, I suggest this Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure. She comes with six cats!

Bad News for NetFlix Subscribers

I hope we don't start to see more of this sort of thing. The Weinstein Company has entered into a deal with Blockbuster giving them exclusive rental rights to all their movies starting in 2007. In essence, Blockbuster will be the only place you can rent movies produced by the Weinstein's for the first three years. This is bad for consumers. Let's hope the arrangement is a miserable failure and it goes away soon.

Clinical Trials

You can find anything online. Check out ClinicalTrails.gov, your one stop shop for all federally and privately supported clinical trials. Go ahead and search on your condition of choice to see if someone is interested in injecting you with experimental drugs. If your not creative enough to think of a search, here are the results for Alopecia. I'm going to get me some experimental pills or maybe get exposed to Ultraviolet light. I figure if I can get accepted to just the right combination of trials, I can get hair with crazy super powers. I'm not talking about helmet hair either. Lookout ladies, one more dose of alefacept, a little roxithromycin and I'll be irresistible.

We're Small

Take a look at this set of images depicting the relative sizes of the planets to learn how insignificant we really are. For some quick comparisons, our Earth has a diameter of about 7,900 miles. Our Sun has a diameter of 865,000 miles. Antares, one of the brightest stars in the night sky, has a diameter of about 599,200,000 miles. The numbers are hard to fathom but after seeing the pictures, its even harder to fathom something that big.

Start Digging

This site shows you where you'd end up if you dug a hole straight through to the other side of the Earth. The bad news for most of us in the U.S. is that we'd end up in the middle of the Indian Ocean. The good news is that we'd be fairly close to Australia so I guess if you're a strong swimmer you might stand a chance. If you're more the destructive type, this site offers up some good tips for How to Destroy the Earth. Personally, it seems like too much work, have patience and we'll get there eventually.

Getting Ready for Winter

"Daddy, I'm a squirrel and I'm getting ready for Winter so I'm going to have to eat a lot of these."  It's good that Emma is exercising her rationalization skills. Unfortunately, we were eating potato chips at the time so I'm fairly certain no quantity would properly fortify her for Winter. If I could somehow reverse that logic and get her to eat vegetables, I could rule the universe. Alas, such power has never been held by any parent.

Don't Blame Canada

The Quebec Ministry of Education has told Evangelical Christian schools to teach evolution and sex education or close their doors. Now if we could just stop debating this in the US that would be something! Besides, if they're going to try and get creationism intelligent design into the schools, they have to give equal time to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  They were the first to make the global warming/pirates connection.

Red Alert Drill

Today at school Emma had a "Red Alert Drill." I was puzzled, because I knew she had already done the obligatory tornado and fire drills. So, I asked what it was. "When a burglar comes into the school, they sound the red alert and we have to go hide in our cubbies." It took me a minute (and Sue miming a gun to me) to realize what she was talking about. A "burglar" is a nice way of saying "a person with a gun" to impressionable kindergarten students. Times really have changed if they're teaching our school children to hide in cubbies in the event of an armed assailant entering the building. There's just nothing funny I can say about this, it's just sick and sad that five year olds have to be trained for this. I'm glad the school is taking the precaution but disturbed that they need to.

Ha Ha

Now that I've gotten that out of my system. It looks like lots of people voted which is good. Things went in a direction that seems to be mostly positive. Although, I'm a little disappointed in you Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin, all you did was prove how thoughtless and narrow minded you are on the gay marriage issue. You could learn a lesson from Arizona who refused to ban it. Missouri, way to go on backing stem cell research. When it cures something, you can be at the front of the line.

If you need any further proof that people are ready for a change, a dead Democrat defeated a live Republican in South Dakota. I wonder what being defeated by a dead Democrat does for your political career. So, with the election results mostly in, are you happy, disappointed or don't care? Leave a comment.

Season Shot

If you're tired, like I am, of the animals you shoot getting full of buckshot, have I got some good news for you. The clever folks at Season Shot have invented a shotgun shell filled with all natural seasoning pellets. Now you can kill a bird and season it all with a single pull of the trigger (or two if you're not such a good shot). The pellets dissolve naturally and season your prey. All you have to do is cook it! It even comes in flavors - Cajun, Lemon Pepper, Garlic, and more.

Finally, the excuse to introduce a shotgun into the kitchen that I've been waiting for. Forget marinating and brining, just pull out the Season Shot and blast away at those pork chops, steaks, and chicken breasts you've had in the back of the freezer for months. What an easy way to add a dash of seasoning to soups and salads! Honey, stand back, you won't believe how good your Cobb Salad tastes, after I shoot it.

PVC: the Poison Plastic

 This is a really sobering article about the dangers of PVC. Anyone who's ever smelled a new shower curtain or joked about "new car smell" should take pause. The thing I didn't realize was that you shouldn't throw plastics with a 3 on the recycle symbol in with regular plastics. The 3 indicates PVC and the toxic additives in PVC can contaminate other plastics, making them un-recyclable. The idea that we let our kids chew on toys made out of this stuff is frightening. If that doesn't scare you enough, you can read this article about products banned around the world that are still allowed in the U.S. One example is formaldehyde soaked plywood that is banned in China but used to make cabinets and furniture in the U.S. Truly scary.

Go Vote

 It took me until my 30's to realize that not voting is the least productive way to show your disapproval of the political system. Change may seem impossible at this point but, staying home tomorrow is a guaranteed way to ensure nothing will change. Make sure you go out and vote. 

It's a Three Ring Circus Sideshow...

Only two of the rings must have gotten downsized this year. I guess even the circus is feeling the real estate downturn. As usual, the annual trip to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus was a huge hit with the girls. I personally preferred previous years that centered around Bello the Clown but, the five year old set seemed to thoroughly enjoy The Circus of Dreams (this year's theme).  As long as they keep the obligatory clown food fight segment, everything else is secondary. The one disappointment was the lack of a big finale. No flaming man shot out of a cannon (by flaming I mean on fire, in case you had any weird ideas). We did get to see Herkules (yes, that's how they spelled it, the Hercules trademark must be owned by Disney) shot in the stomach with a cannon ball but, having seen Homer perfect that trick on his stint with the Hullabalooza tour, it failed to impress. The Sphere of Death, crammed full of riders on oddly small motorcycles is always a hit. Next year I suggest they shoot the cannon ball into the Sphere of Death while the flaming (again, on fire) motorcycle riders balance several hats on their heads. Now that would be a finale.

Chocolate Sushi

I'm not sure if this is appetizing or disgusting. Admittedly, it combines two great things, chocolate and sushi. It's sushi painstakingly recreated from chocolate. I guess when the oceans run out of fish in 50 years, this may be the only alternative we have left. It probably tastes like chicken.

Reminder

Just a reminder to my wife and sister in law. The next time I suggest opening a bottle of port after a night of Sushi, Japanese beer, and red wine, one of you must punch me in the head as hard as you can. Trust me, neither of you could possibly do as much damage as the port.

VinoStory

VinoStory is officially up and running. Its a new site all about wine. Cheap wine, expensive wine, good wine, bad wine, we don't care. Even if you don't know your cab from a hole in the ground, check it out.  Send the link to your friends and family! My crack team of wine tasters and I promise to keep it interesting, as long as we're not too tipsy to type. We've traveled at least 3 states, 5 grocery stores, and a couple web sites sampling their finest wines. Wine is about fun, so come and share the experience. www.vinostory.com

Get a Flu Vaccine

This is officially a scary website. Anytime you see the word Pandemic in a government sponsored site, nothing good can come of it. According to the "Questions and Answers" section, the Department of Defense is working to combat the spread of avian influenza. Hmm, kinda sounds like the War on Terror. Maybe we need an Avian Flue Threat Alert Scale. I suggest using a poultry scale as outlined below, from low to high:

cornish game hen - duck - chicken - goose - turkey

The current US Avian Flue Threat Level is at cornish game hen. If it gets to goose, you might want to consider staying home from work.

Home Sick

As opposed to homesick. Emma had her first day ever home sick from school. She's now been corrupted by the allure of laying around all day, watching TV, and being waited on hand and foot. I have to admit that as I peeked out from the prison cell that is my office, I felt a tinge of jealousy. It's been too long since I've tasted the sweet nectar of daytime television.

Candy Hangover

Another Halloween is done. Millions of children woke up this morning feeling just a little groggier than usual. Oh sure, Mom and Dad said that one last Snicker's wasn't a good idea but trust me, they understand. You get that sugar buzz going and you don't want it to stop. You wake up the next morning, head aching, stomach upset and a little more tired than usual. A teaspoon of Motrin later and you're staggering your way towards breakfast swearing you'll never do this to yourself again. You realize that girl you were Trick-or-Treating with didn't have such a cute costume after all. It was just the chocolate goggles. The spectacle you made of yourself is just a fuzzy memory. The details are kind of sketchy. Who knows how many pixie stick were involved? Maybe a glass of milk will help. Just one peanut butter cup, surely a little hair of the dog will perk you up. We've all been there before. The promises of reform, the self admonishment, but you know as well as I do that by next Halloween, the memory will fade. You'll be hitting the stuff twice as hard.