Contest

Watching the learning process a child goes through is absolutely amazing. Sunday night, Emma actually started to read. She had previously been able to fool people into thinking she could read by memorizing the words. This was different, she actually started sounding out words. We started with a hard one but, after a couple minutes of making disconnected sounds, she exclaimed "Contest!" No prompting from Mommy required. She's on her way to exploring a whole new world.

Science Fiction

It was a banner night for science fiction. First Emma confessed, "Daddy, I'm pretty interested in Darth Vader." Get this girl in front of a television and put on Star Wars immediately! Then, after bedtime I actually got Sue to watch an entire episode of Dr. Who. While she hasn't admitted it yet, I think she actually enjoyed it. At very least, she sat though the entire thing.

Seriously, there are so many great books out there that captured my imagination as a child and continue to fascinate me that I only hope I can share some of them.

Eight

Who could have ever imagined that the two nervous people who met for dinner on the spur of the moment eight years ago could have ended up where we are? They certainly had no inkling of the journey they were about to embark upon. Who could have guessed where the little boy shirt, the meat loaf, and one abandoned apartment would lead? A lot has changed in eight years. Apartments, houses, cars, jobs, and one beautiful daughter. What hasn't changed is the butterflies I feel every time I see you across the table from me. That and the fact that I still get stuck with the check. Happy anniversary honey, I love you.

Mouths of Babes

Originally posted @ 2/24/2006 8:04

Just a sampling of the sound bites coming from a certain five year old in a single day:
You’ve taken away my dignity

• Whoever took that crayon should be ashamed
• I love the bladder
• If you don’t let me stay in the tub, then you’re not my daddy any more

The Tao of Ricky

Originally posted @ 2/24/2006 8:01 PM

“Today at school, Ricky threw paper towels in the toilet” we were informed at bath time. “What did the teacher do?” we inquired. “She made Ricky take them out with a glove on.” It seemed like justice had been served, an eye for an eye and all that. But, that was not to be. “Then, Ricky took the glove and flushed it down the toilet.” Touché. It may seem funny now, but you just wait Ricky, whoever you are, until you're standing at a clogged commode, water perched a millimeter from the brim, plunger in hand trying desperately not to get splashed as you heave mightily. They’ll be no five year old fan club to cheer you on then. Enjoy your toilet clogging days while they last.

Ducks

Originally posted @ 1/24/2006 2:33 PM

Do Ducks Have Privates?
This is still the strangest question I've ever had to answer. Here's a few close seconds:

• If your mouth, ears, and nose are all connected, how come your breath smells like pizza but your ears don’t?
• Are there any dead people in the house?
• What’s heavier, the earth or the sun?
• Did you know that an alligator can digest a screw?
• What's that little thing in the back of your throat?
• When we move, how are you going to carry my bed?
• Would I be heavier on Jupiter?
• Why does glass break so easily?
• Why can't we fall asleep when it's bright and sunny?
• Why do dogs bark so much?
• How big is a squirrel's brain?
• When I was in Mommy's tummy, how did I eat?
• When I was in Mommy's tummy, did I cry?
• What keeps the planets from falling?
• What keeps the stars from falling?
• Was I in Mommy's tummy when she was in college?

Procrastination

Originally Posted @ 1/24/2006 2:28 PM

Its no wonder procrastination comes so easily to most people. It's an art we perfected at a very young age. More effort goes in delaying bedtime than just about any other activity.

7:30 PM - "In 5 minutes we're going to get ready for bed"
7:40 PM - "In 1 minute we're going to get ready for bed"
7:45 PM - "Time to get ready for bed"
7:50 PM - Dead man walking. The long trip up the stairs and down the hall to choose pajamas.
8:00 PM - One Itchy pajama wearing child enters the bathroom where the pants are completely removed in order to go potty
8:05 PM - Wash hands (yes you have to wash hands, I don't care if you didn't touch the potty!), brush and floss"
8:10 PM - Brush hair while ignoring the screams of agony
8:15 PM - Choose books while negotiating the actual quantity
8:30 PM - Finish books, turn out the lights, and snuggle up under the covers
8:31 PM - Begin fielding dozens of questions about completely unrelated topics
8:45 PM - Kiss mommy and/or daddy goodnight and go to sleep
8:46 PM - "I have to go potty"
8:47 PM - "I need a drink of water"
8:48 PM - Repeat process started at 8:31 PM
9:00 PM - Mommy and Daddy escape and any number of wild and unknown events take place before sleep comes
10:30 PM - Mommy and Daddy quietly sneak in to peek at the face of a sleeping angel

Mud Angels

Originally posted @ 12/5/2005 8:32 PM

A recipe for a perfect Sunday afternoon. A father and daughter enjoying the seasons first snowfall. Two icicle hunters on the prowl. A weighty discussion of Christmas and Santa expressed in puffs of steam. Random footprints large and small matched perfectly. A final stop to make an angel in snow that's not quite deep enough to support my angel.

Thanksgiving Eve

Originally Posted @ 12/5/2005 4:25 PM

As the single largest poultry specimen I have ever laid eyes on soaks in it's luxurious briny bath, my wife and I attempt to make the house we've lived in for four weeks look like we've been there for a year. Two people running around feverishly hanging pictures, cleaning floors, and preparing the ingredients for the festivities to come. There's cranberries to boil, gizzards to sauté, and cakes to be baked. There's an excited four year old repeatedly asking if it's time to make the cake. She's excited not at the prospect of eating the cake but at the prospect of eating the ingredients (specifically, the cream cheese) before they go into the cake. Finally, the moment arrives, time to make the pumpkin cheesecake. First step, squeeze the water out of the pumpkin filling; the first response, a resounding "yuck." It's like sausage, better not to see it being made. Next, the cream cheese. As much goes into the child as goes into the cake. After the supply of available cream cheese runs out, the cook is on his own to finish the cake. Up next, the famous, foolproof carrot cake. 3 hours later an undercooked mush carrot cake is being thrown away. Better luck next time. Maybe it was the oven? Yes, the oven thermostat is off, that must be it! Where can we get an oven thermometer at 1:00 am? Two neurotic people finally give up and go to bed. We'll try again tomorrow.

Teflon Pants

Originally posted @ 11/30/2005 12:59 PM

I'm grateful for a lot of things but this morning I was most grateful that my lovely wife had the foresight to order me stain resistant pants. I'm not sure what miracle of modern technology enables these marvels but, anything that allows you to spill a cup of coffee on yourself and remain dry and unstained is worth its weight in gold.

Wisdom

Originally posted @ 11/1/2005 9:42 AM

Sometimes you have to admit it, you’re parents know what they’re doing. As we loaded up the moving truck with fragile items to precious to entrust to actual movers, I have to admit, I had my doubts. I had no idea how all this stuff was going to stay in place for the long drive to the new house. Each bump and curve filled my head with images of boxes marked “Fragile” sliding and bumping around in the back of the moving truck. As we arrived at the new house and opened the door, I braced myself. To my relief, everything was exactly as we had placed it. Not a break, dent, or scratch on anything. I guess Dad knows what he’s doing, not that I ever had a doubt.

Trick-or-Treat

Originally posted @ 11/1/2005 9:35 AM

As I stood in the doorway of our new home, warm and dry, I spied a pterodactyl and pink power ranger with moms in tow braving the cold rain in pursuit of Halloween candy. The power ranger was still sniffling in anger over having to wear a coat under the pink jumpsuit. Even power rangers have moms to contend with. Besides, don’t they get cold in space with nothing under those spandex suits?

Upon their return, I learned that I have the only child in the history of trick-or-treaters to refuse candy. Any neighbor distributing a goody not to the pink power ranger’s liking was given a polite “no thank-you” and the candy was promptly returned to the bowl from which it came. I’m not talking about the normally discarded remnants of Halloween. These were not popcorn balls and black licorice, but real candy refused by a picky power ranger.

Despite the refusals, the Halloween take was sufficient enough to satisfy the sugar cravings of one pterodactyl and one pink power ranger (and two moms).

Friday

Originally posted @ 10/18/2005 8:53 PM

The true litmus test for any given Friday night can be boiled down to one simple criterion: did it begin with a lie? That's right; every good Friday night must begin with a lie. Not a big lie, but just a little white one. It's the lie that gets you out of work early or misleads the people you didn't want to go out with or leaves your children ignorant of where you're actually going. I knew Friday was going to be good when it got started at 3:30 PM. You can guess the relationship between lying and getting out of work at 3:30 on a Friday. Then there was the lie of omission, dropping a happy child off at grandma and grandpa's house without disclosing our plans. It's all about your sleepover sweetie.

We were on the road, two young, childless hipsters out to paint the town red (I don't live in the same reality as the rest of you). A quick unhealthy dinner before heading into the city. First stop, the Green Mill, not to be confused with the Green Door or the Green Dolphin. A neat bar with possibly the worst bathroom logistics I've ever seen. Next stop, the Riviera. Two unremarkable opening bands and a couple beers later we realized that we were standing on the first floor with the young people but there was a balcony with seats for the older folks upstairs. Time to head upstairs before the main attraction. But first, a quick bathroom trip. On my way down the stairs, a guy I'm pretty sure I've never seen before yells my name and runs over to shake my hand. Who the heck? Oh ya, the bartender from the Green Mill. I guess it pays to tip your bartender or maybe he's following me.

Finally, the band we had come to see: Chevelle. We were not disappointed. Three brothers (or two brothers and one Brother-In-Law) from Grays Lake, Illinois who put on one great show. This is a state as close to relaxation as I'm capable of achieving. The feeling of the sound washing over you, the energy of the crowd, and the music put me in a state of bliss. We left the show with ears ringing and hearts pumping. I've seen a lot of shows at the Riviera and this is definitely one of the best. Possibly second only to bad Religion but then again, I'm probably biased.

After parting ways with Kristen and Jim, we decided coffee was a requirement. The search for coffee led to a tour down memory lane and through Lincoln Park. Someday we'll be old and rich and able to afford a place on Fullerton. For now, the 24 hour Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins is going to have to suffice. A little ice cream and a latte later, it was time to make the long drive back to the suburbs.

Thanks, Kristen for a truly inspired birthday present.

The Birds and the Bees (already?)

Originally posted @ 10/10/2005 9:49 AM

The book certainly seemed innocent enough. A perfect choice for bed-time relaxation. "You're Body". Skeletal, Muscular, Repertory, Circulatory, and Nervous systems all explained in terms and images suited perfectly to a pre-schooler. Imagine my shock when I turned to the last page and realized the one system that hadn’t been covered yet: Reproductive! Imagine my further shock when my very own pre-schooler exclaimed "the sperm fertilizes the egg"! After collecting my thoughts I decided to press on. The book had been at a high enough level of detail so far that I had no reason to worry. Just please don't ask me how the sperm and the egg get together in the first place!

Don Emma

Originally Posted @ 10/10/2005 9:48 AM

A perfectly pleasant lunch of peanut butter and jelly took a decidedly bizarre turn. As I warned Emma that she should wipe her elbow because she had gotten some peanut butter on it, she calmly turned to me and said "Daddy, you're concern touches me." I suddenly felt like I was having lunch with the Godfather. Perhaps I should ask her to grant me one favor.

First Email

Originally Posted @ 10/3/2005 10:14 AM

I found this while rooting around in my archived emails. It's the first email Emma ever sent. I suspect there was some spelling assistance from Mommy.

daddy,
i love you. sdfgtrqzxdert
emma

Mad Dog

Originally Posted @ 9/26/2005 9:51 AM

Last Halloween, I had the idea that we could carve an “E” in the back of Emma’s pumpkin. Emma, who never forgets anything, suggested that this year we could carve an “M” on the back of her pumpkin. Sue and I exchanged a puzzled look and asked what the “M” would stand for. “Mad Dog” was the reply. We’re still not entirely sure how to interpret that.

Packing

Originally posted @ 9/19/2005 8:57 AM

The packing and purging has begun. A chance to get life back to its bare essentials by examining everything you own and determining just how necessary it really is. Each item is carefully considered and either lovingly packed or crammed into a garbage bag. You never realize just how much stuff you truly own until it all has to be moved. Just don’t stand still too long or you might get stickered and pushed out to the curb.

Retrospective

Originally Posted @ 9/8/2005 6:29 PM

As summer draws to a close and darkness creeps up imperceptibly earlier with each revolution of the Earth, I can't help but reflect on what a spectacular season it has been. The life of a four year old has been filled with unimagined adventure. All forms of running, swimming, flying, and climbing have filled the moments of each unjustly brief day. So many firsts in a young life: sleeping in a tent, flying in an airplane, seeing a mountain, roasting marshmallows on a camp fire, swimming in a lake, climbing to the top of an impossibly high tower, and so many others our adult sensibilities can never discern nor appreciate. So many seemingly distant and exotic locales visited: Chicago, Seattle, the Wisconsin Dells, the Field Museum, and the Adler Planetarium to name a few. Each forms a memory as unique as the place. Traveling with children, it turns out, is not so much a burden as it is a chance to experience life for the first time and retain the memory.

Squeaky

Originally posted @ 9/8/2005 6:28 PM

Emma sleeps with a small stuffed green ghost which she has named squeaky which, is interesting for two reasons: he does not squeak and everything else requiring a name is invariably labeled "Spike". After learning that I slept "all by myself" in the hotel when I was out of town, she insisted that Squeaky be packed in my suitcase so that I would not have to sleep alone. Her concern was touching but quickly vanished a few minutes later when she exclaimed "I miss Squeaky" and he was quickly retrieved from my suitcase. Oh well, I guess I'm on my own again. Maybe Spike is available.

Pins and Needles

Originally posted @ 9/6/2005 7:49 AM

By the time this is posted, we should hopefully have received some indication. At present, flying through the clouds on my Monday morning commute, I'm disconnected. Normally this short electronic sabbatical would be welcome but, today is different. Thoughts of the house fill my head. Did we offer enough? Did we ask for too much? How long until we hear something? Any negotiation is a sensitive matter that requires patience on the part of both the buyer and the seller. Emotion can often lead to costly mistakes. You have to be willing to walk away from the deal. Whoever said all that wasn't sitting on an airplane waiting to hear if their offer on a house had been accepted.

UPDATE: The sellers don't expect to have an answer until tonight or possibly tomorrow morning. Glad to see they're right on top of things.

Home

Originally Posted @ 8/31/2005 8:06 PM

Flashback:
• A man and a woman standing at the rim of a meteor strike, staring at the crater in awe. Their love for each other matched only by their certainty of what will fill this hole: a home.

• Four people sitting under an incomplete roof, dwelling in a shanty town, rivers of water pouring from above drenching their sandwiches but not their determination. Like busy spiders they staple their web across what will be home.

• A father and son-in-law standing on a second floor landing leaning against an unfinished railing gazing at a sea of plywood. A single word is uttered, “wow".

• A whining beast belching smoke, father and son struggling to maintain their hold as it rips through the clay earth displacing boulders with its bit. Days of construction as the wooden monstrosity slowly takes form. A skeleton at first but then a platform that would host countless gatherings, quiet evenings spent with a soul mate, and one infamous camping trip.

• An excited father-to-be busily hanging an unnecessary chair rail, struggling with the inscrutable geometry of a miter saw, filling gaps with wood putty and feeling as satisfied with himself as any man has ever felt.• Two people nervously cradling a precious peanut wrapped as tightly as their untrained hands could manage, unsure of what to do next, but sure that this was her home.

• A brother and a sister cooking a meal together in a moment of peaceful bliss never imagined by two siblings.

• A glorious Thanksgiving, the entire flock gathered in one place, a feast days in the making, and a cook too inebriated to remember.

• Trips to numerous to count, a father missing his family, and wishing he was there instead of here.

• A wave of overnight guests bringing with them varied combinations of conversation, helping hands, smiles, and vino.

• Present day, two complete strangers, with a third soon expected, wandering through this home, imagining what might be. Moments of their own yet to be realized.

Future residents may never know the events great and small that have transpired here but, we will always be soothed by the memory that it started with two people and a hole in the ground. Leaving this place is no easy decision. What great things might have been within these walls? In the end, it's not the cement, wood, and plaster that filled the hole; it is the people we shared all those moments with. Now it's someone else's turn to fill that hole as we move on to life's next great adventure.

Seattle

Originally posted @ 8/31/2005 5:28 AM

Three days of pure bliss. I never would have imagined taking a four year old on vacation could be so relaxing and fun. Hearing her greet everyone in a uniform with "Hi pilot!" The smile on her face as the airplane left the ground was priceless. Emma realized something the rest of us took for granted: she was flying. As the ground rushed away and the clouds filled the portals, she squealed with delight. For four solid hours, she was in awe. From the tray table to the tiny potty, it was truly the adventure of a young lifetime. Then came the landing, no detail escaped her. The sound of the landing gear opening, the initial bump when the plane hits the runway, the flaps opening and the overwhelming whoosh that accompanies it all. Children have the power to make anything seem magical.

The city itself is a marvel. For a child of Generation X, it will always hold a certain cache that no other place can match. Napa may be paradise on earth, but Seattle is just plain cool. The mountains, the trees, the lakes, the islands, it's just unbelievable. Standing at Pike's Market and being able to see mist swirling around Mount Rainier in the distance is overwhelming. We visited so may amazing places: Pike's Market, the Seattle Aquarium, Woodland Park Zoo, Boehm Chocolates in Issaquah (a mandatory stop for the two chocolate addicts in my life), Chateau Ste. Michelle in Woodinville (a beautiful town), Red Hook Brewery, and downtown Bellevue where the waitress at SeaStar was nicer to Emma than she needed to be and the food was better than we expected. Emma proudly exibited her best manners throughout the trip. She even went so far as to explain to us that her manners were going to be so good that she wouldn't even pass gas (not an exact quote). Sue and I even got to enjoy a tasting at Chateau Ste. Michelle, a destination we've always talked about but never expected to see on this trip. All with this wonderful, amazed, smiling four year old in tow.

Oh, did I mention the coffee? I always thought it was an exaggeration but, there truly are coffee shops everywhere in Seattle. I don't just mean Start Buck’s although, you can’t throw an empty Star Buck’s cup without hitting one. Tiny photo-mat looking drive-thru coffee shops, hip Bohemian coffee shops, chains I've never heard of, you could try a different place every day and never have to visit the same place twice.

I could live anywhere in the world as long as I had my two girls with me. If I had my choice, I'd want to live in Seattle. There's always retirement. I can't forget to thank my wonderful wife for arranging absolutely everything. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the ride. Thanks honey!

Gum Control

Originally Posted @ 8/22/2005 8:16 PM

Little ears are always listening. After a grown-up front seat conversation on the topic of gun control, a horrified little voice in the back seat asked, "Are they going to take my gum away?" No honey, you have a right to fresh breath. I think it’s in the constitution.

Phil McCracken

Originally Posted @ 8/16/2005 7:48 AM

If I learned one thing this weekend it's that I am not qualified to fix drywall. I have to thank Sue for dealing with the aftermath of my aborted repair attempt while I retreat to the relative safety of Philadelphia. If I learned a second thing this weekend it’s that even while on the verge of a nervous breakdown, my wife loves me more than I have any right to expect. Then again, I already knew that.

House hunt

Originally Posted @ 8/15/2005 10:59 AM

Three up, three down. That's the first and last sports metaphor you'll ever hear me speak. The first weekend of actual house hunting was a bust, but not really. We confirmed that there are some neighborhoods we really like and some we don't. Now the process of narrowing down the search to those neighborhoods begins. The houses ranged from yuck to almost. One thing you never want to hear your real estate agent utter upon opening the door to a house he's showing you is "well, that's pretty weird." What is also pretty weird is when people refuse to leave the house while it's being shown. Is the fat guy on the couch negotiable? We'd like to see the second floor bathroom but, there seems to be someone taking a shower. Really, don't go to any trouble, you're only trying to convince us to give you a few hundred thousand dollars for your house after all.

Monday Routine

Originally Posted @ 8/13/2005 7:09 PM

Routine is so comforting even when you loath the routine itself. I’ve been traveling to Philadelphia on a project for what seems like years (probably more like months). The thing is, if I can’t go through my same morning routine, it’s very unsettling. My Monday morning routine goes something like this (if you aren’t interested in the details, you should probably find something else to read):

1. Leave the house early to fight the miserable traffic. The up side is I get at least an hour in the car where no one is asking me anything!
2. Find the perfect parking spot in the O’Hare parking garage. The perfect spot involves being exactly half way between the entrance and the exit so that going home takes exactly the same amount of time as getting there did.
3. Get my ticket from the automated ticket machine. I really like this step because I can accomplish something without having to deal with any people at all.
4. Make my way through airport security. This normally involves unpacking my bag, removing random articles of clothing and hopping on one foot all while keeping my boarding pass visible at all times. I have to give it up to the TSA folks; they manage to be impolite, slow, and angry looking. Not an easy combination to pull off so early in the morning.
5. Find my gate and sit down for approximately five seconds. This is necessary to make sure the gate hasn’t disappeared into another dimension or been destroyed in some sort of bizarre accident.
6. Get up, leave the gate, and go to the Star Bucks and get my Venti Skim Latte. I never imagined I’d pay $4.50 for a cup of coffee but I am on an expense account after all.
7. Return to the gate hoping no one has taken the seat I had previously occupied.
8. Wait (I seem to spend a lot of time doing this). The airlines seem to have mastered making you wait. I like to imagine they have a VP of Waiting at corporate who thinks up ways to make people wait even longer.
9. Board the plane nervously hoping that there will be room in the overhead for my carry-on. There always is but you’ve got to have something to worry about.
10. Sit in my seat nervously waiting to see who I’m going to have to sit next to. I’ve sat next to some very nice people but, I’ll let your imagination conjure up the possibilities for some of the more uncomfortable flights. If I had to sit next to a yak, that wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. Especially if the yak kept his shoes on.
11. Sleep (or if my boss if reading this, work)
12. Upon landing, exit the plane as quickly as possible because I have the effects of that Venti Skim Latte to deal with. I don’t like the airplane bathrooms.
13. Find a cab and make my way to the client.
14. Arrive invigorated and ready for a day of record setting productivity.

So there you have it, the excitement that is my Monday morning routine. I’d much rather stay home but then I’d miss all the excitement. Some day I’ll tell you all about my coming home routine.

They're Not Mine, Really!

Originally Posted @ 8/13/2005 7:08 PM

Upon checking into my hotel room last week, I discovered that the Internet access was not working. After much wrangling with technical support, they decided to send a maintenance person up to check the cable and related connections. As it turns out, the connection is behind the refrigerator which means it has to be pulled out to get at the cables. As the maintenance man wrestled the refrigerator from its home in the armoire, a large collection of "adult" magazines fell out. I felt like a teenager caught red handed going into immediate denial mode: "They're not mine, I just checked in." This was in fact, true. I hadn't even unpacked yet and further more, if I was in possession of such a collection, why would I stick them behind the refrigerator in a hotel room? He seemed convinced and went about his work. A fact that did nothing to diminish my embarrassment. Once completed, he inquired what I would like him to do with this new found bounty. "Don't care, I didn't put them there," was my only reply. So what do you think he did? He put them back behind the refrigerator! For the rest of the night I felt like there was a gremlin in my room haunting me. How had they gotten there? I could not come up with any comforting scenario to explain that. Why had he put them back? Was he going to come back and retrieve them? Did he think they were mine? There was just no upside to this. I sure hope I don't get room 427 or, as it will forever be known, "The Porno Suite," again anytime soon. I may have to start traveling with a pair of rubber gloves, because I certainly thought twice about touching anything in the hotel room for the rest of the week.

Real Camping

Originally Posted @ 8/8/2005 12:17 PM

The time for practice was over; the day we’d all been waiting for was finally here. It was time to go camping! After rolling out of bed at 9:30 to make sure we got an early start on the day, we loaded up the car with the various camping necessities: tent, sleeping bag, marshmallows, a bottle of Chardonnay, and half a leftover pizza wrapped in foil. Time to hit the dusty trail, but not before a quick stop for lunch and a detour to the ATM. Had to have some cash to buy firewood. This was after all, real camping, and I’m sure there’s no credit cards accepted in such an endeavor.

We arrived at the campground around 2:30, located an appropriate site, and setup camp without incident. Time to go for a swim in the “chlorinated lake.” I know it was chlorinated because the sign said so although, the presence of seaweed and the fact that the water was green made me suspicious of that claim. In any case there was swimming to be done and swim we did. Well actually, my daughter did. Sue and I were content to watch from the shore. At one point, Emma pointed to a man playing with his son in the water and yelled to us “He’s a stranger and I’m not going to talk to him!” I’m sure the man was relieved.

Back to camp to dry off. As thoughts turned to the sleeping arrangements, we realized that primitive camping included no electricity. It was going to be tough to inflate the air mattresses with the electric pump. As the male of the group I felt it was my duty to provide so, I decided I would simply blow them up using old fashioned lung power. After 15 minutes of exhaling, I sat, head spinning, looking at a still flat air mattress. That’s when Sue made the executive decision to call the front office and ask about electricity. Yes, cell phones are part of real camping. Now, I’m not sure what the particulars of the phone conversation were but the end result was us plugging into an electrical hookup by a nearby RV. For some reason, I still felt like we were doing something wrong as I nervously waited for the air mattresses to inflate, constantly looking over my shoulder.

Time for that camping staple, the camp fire. First, Daddy and daughter needed to take a short hike to find some marshmallow appropriate sticks. Spying another dad walking out of the woods with his own collection of marshmallow sticks, Emma exclaimed “Hey, great stick you’ve got there!” “Thanks, they’re marshmallow sticks” he replied with a smile. It only strengthened our resolve to find the greatest marshmallow sticks ever. After about 30 minutes of hunting, we returned to camp with six of the most magnificent marshmallow sticks ever seen. The three of us would have plenty of choices in the marshmallow stick department.
After a quick dinner of cold pizza, cheese sticks, and a slice of bread, it was time for marshmallows. Seeing my wife and daughter roasting marshmallows together is one of those memories that will stay with me as long as I live. For a few minutes, they ceased to be mother and daughter and were simply two smiling, giggling little girls stuffing their mouths full of hot marshmallows and enjoying the moment so thoroughly that nothing else mattered. Not wanting to be left out, I grabbed a stick, roasted a marshmallow, and quickly ate it. This action reaffirmed what I already knew: I hate marshmallows. It didn’t matter.

After an evening of sitting in front of the camp fire and burning everything we could get our hands on, a skill I perfected in the Boy Scouts, it was time for bed. But, not before a final long walk to go potty and a trip to get some water to make sure the fire was really out. It was time to settle into the sleeping bags and get a good night sleep. After various rearrangements of the sleeping assignments, adjustments to the sleeping bag (see Practice Camping) and some discussion of the day, Emma was out cold. That’s when the party across the road began. I’m not exactly sure what they were doing but I’m pretty sure there was a jackhammer involved. Suffice it to say that Mom and Dad were not well rested in the morning. The minute Emma woke up we loaded up the car and got the heck out of there. Three stinky, tired people drove home in the crisp morning air. The trip was a success.

So what did we learn on our camping trip? Well, that we like pretty much everything about camping except for the actual camping part. If we could find a hotel that would let you start a fire in the parking lot, I think we’d be good with that. Introducing your children to new experiences is one of the great pleasures of parenthood. Seeing the smile on their face and the wonder in their eyes never gets old. Lying awake in a tent at 2:30 in the morning listening to a jackhammer however, gets old very quickly.

A Big Change Continued....

Originally Posted @ 8/5/2005 6:31 PM

Now that we’ve mentally adjusted to the fact that we’re moving, the reality that we actually have to sell out house has set in. This is a harsh reality not because we have some sentimental attachment to our current home but rather, because we’re slowly starting to realize what preparing it for the market will entail.
My wife has begun compiling a to-do list and while she’s more than willing to lend a hand, I can only image what horrors await me. Images of English chimney sweeps with soot covered cloths fill my mind. My weekends are sure to become days of indentured servitude where I long to return to my weekday job. Ah, but in the end the satisfaction of moving into a new home will be well worth it. When we can finally settle in and begin cleaning, painting, and fixing up the new home, I’m sure all the domestic duties will be quite satisfying. There’s something very wrong here but I can’t quite put my finger on it…

The Waiting Place

Originally Posted @ 8/5/2005 6:29 PM

I book I’ve read to my daughter many times is “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” by Dr. Seuss. In the book, our protagonist becomes briefly trapped in a location known as “the Waiting Place.” The waiting place is filled with people waiting for various things: a better break, a fish to bite, the phone to ring, etc. Of course our hero, through sheer force of will, escapes the waiting place to move on to where the boom bands are playing. Sounds like a good deal to me. As I sit here trapped in my own waiting place, otherwise known as Philadelphia International Airport, I can’t help but wonder what I could do to escape. I don’t really require boom bands, I’d settle for home. I seem to spend far too much time in the waiting place. Oh, time to board the plane, never mind.

A Big Change

Originally Posted @ 8/3/2005 6:10 AM

So we’ve made the decision to move closer to our families. It will be difficult to leave our first home but, this will, I think, be a great thing for everyone, especially given the amount of traveling I do. I’ll have a longer commute to the airport but we’ll be much closer to a support system. Given a choice between this and moving out of state, I think we’ve made the right decision.

Now the difficult task of finding a new home and selling our current one begins. What’s on our wish list for a new home?

• A bigger yard Better schools
• An office
• More built in lighting (we didn’t put in nearly enough in our first house)
• Better use of space
• A patio (I’m sick of washing and staining a deck)
• Better kitchen ventilation A million other things
• I’m sure we’ll think of

The families seem excited and are already helping out in the search. I have to admit, I’m really excited as well.

Alopecia Conspiracy

Originally Posted @ 8/1/2005 10:56 AM

In the almost ten years since I was diagnosed with Alopecia, I’ve met a total if two people who share the condition. On Saturday, the total became four as I saw two people at two separate places with it. You can always tell by looking for the (lack of) eyebrows. The first sighting was at the allergist. He was wearing a baseball cap in an attempt to disguise himself but, you can’t fool me. I’ve been through the baseball cap phase. The second sighting was at OzzFest. He didn’t even attempt to disguise himself which means they’re getting progressively more blatant. This is enough to make me a little paranoid. Is there a secret conspiracy of hairless people with a bent for world domination? Were these two people the beachhead in an effort to recruit me into some secret organization? Are they just observing me to see if I live up to some sort of standard? I can tell you this, I won’t go down easy. I’m on to you whoever you are!

OzzFest

Originally Posted @ 8/1/2005 10:37 AM

It sneaks up on you so fast you don’t even notice it. At first it’s an almost imperceptible tickle in the back of your brain. Once the music begins, you push it out completely. Then one day you go to see a show and it smacks you in the face like a dead fish. I’ve finally reached the age that I used to consider old and these people are looking at me feeling sorry for the teenager or teenagers I surely must be here to chaperone. The odd thing is that anyone could feel old when the headlining band is older than their parents.

With the feeling of being older comes the resentment of youth. We were so much hipper. These kids haven’t created any new statements for themselves. We had black shirts, piercing, tattoos, mohawks, and overweight, sweaty, alpha males when I was in high school. Come on, think of something new to shock us older folks; voluntary amputations, 3rd degree burns as body art, fill your ears with peanut butter. Do something shocking! Oh well, maybe the next generation, just not my daughter.

Oh, and there was also a show going on. We had a blast. I can’t thank my sister-in-law and her boyfriend enough for taking us along for the VIP treatment. Do adults have boyfriends and girlfriends or are those words reserved for the young(er)? “Significant other” seems too formal and much harder to type. I’ll have to consult the thesaurus later. Seeing Black Sabbath was very cool. The only problem is that they’re a little before my time, but hopefully the older folks enjoyed them.

Wisconsin Dells

Originally Posted @ 7/25/2005 9:18 PM

We spent four incredible days last week at the Kalahari Resort in the Wisconsin Dells. The resort has a huge indoor/outdoor water park and is a great place to spend some time away. It was great to spend time with my family and get away from work if only for a short time. Seeing my parents and in-laws interact with their grandchildren is amazing. These can't be the same people my wife and I grew up with. I couldn't have asked for a more relaxing trip. Some things I learned while on vacation:

• My daughter has no fear
• Duck bites do not hurt
• When feeding a deer, keep one eye on the antlers
• Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the hotel room sometimes beats going out to a restaurant
• The exit for 39 South is very easy to miss
• Going on vacation with your wife, daughter, niece, parents, in-laws, and sister-in-law is a blast!

Visit to the Big City

Originally Posted @ 7/25/2005

My wife and I took our daughter into downtown Chicago last Friday to see the Field Museum and Adler Planetarium. To see these places we've vistied so many times through the eyes of a four year old experiencing them for the first time was truly amazing. Every single experience is new to her and she has a wide eyed wonder that I hope never leaves her. The museum was fun but, the planetarium was the hit of the day. Her favorite thing was the movie projected on the ceiling of the StarRider Theater. An amazingly big screen fills your entire field of vision and really does trick your brain into thinking that you're moving. "This is awesome" was exclaimed several times. If you're ever in Chicago, these are two places worth a visit.

Practice Camping

Originally Posted @ 7/23/2005 9:02 PM

In preparation for our upcoming camping excursion, we decided to have a practice run in the backyard. Saturday night was the big night. The day went something like this:

4:00 PM - Locate an appropriate 10 x 10 flat spot in the back yard. This turned out to be more difficult than it sounds since we barely have a patch of grass that big in the back yard, much less a flat spot. The eventual spot encroached on the neighbor's yard and was annoyingly close to their constantly running central air unit. Did I mention it was about 90 degrees outside?
4:15 PM - Attempt to setup the tent while my daughter pokes assorted items (including me) with the tent poles, walks on the tent, and asks assorted tent related questions.
4:30 PM - Bask in the glory of a fully assembled 5 person tent complete with rain fly. Despite the fact that there was no rain in the forecast, I felt compelled to place the rain fly on the tent.
4:31 PM - Exit the tent due to the stifling heat. Are we really going to sleep in here?
4:45 PM to 6:00 PM - Assorted neighborhood kids play in and around the tent. Playing in the tent involves running in circles, various pushing and shoving, and playing volleyball with a large beach ball.
6:00 PM - Various sweaty neighborhood kids exit the tent after coming to the realization that it's hotter in the tent than outside.
6:30 PM - Break for a camping appropriate meal of hamburgers and oven fries all cooked on the grill. My daugter consumes her reccomended daily allowance of ketchup while utilizing the fries as some sort of primitve vehicle for ketchup delivery and mostly ignoring the hamburger.
6:30 PM - 9:30 PM - Various playing inside and outside the tent with and without various neigborhood kids, some sweatier than others.
9:30 PM - Time to get ready for bed. Between the noise of the air conditioner and the slant of the yard, the management decision is made to move the tent to the only flat spot in the yard, the deck. The wood couldn't be any harder than the drought parched yard anyway. We pull the tent pegs and haul it onto the deck. I fill the tent with an assortment of pillows and blankets, a smal pink sleeping bag, and an air mattress.
9:45 PM - Everyone is washed up and in pajamas. Daddy and daughter head to the tent and snuggle in for a peaceful night under the stars.
9:46 PM - "I hope we don't have to many owls because I don't like all the whoing" my daugter worries. I explain that we don't have any owls in the area.
9:47 PM - We can still hear the neighbors air conditioner, and the guy talking on his deck across the yard. We can also hear people busily exploding their left over fireworks from the fourth of july. "It sure is noisy out here" my daughter exclaims.
9:48 PM - "Are you sure you don't want to sleep inside, we can camp out in the playroom" I offer. "No, I want to sleep outside."
9:50 PM - Time to get out of bed to re-adjust the sleeping bag. This involves holding it by the end and flapping it until it is perfectly smooth. Once perfectly smooth, you can wriggle into it which, of course, causes it to get wrinkly again.
10:00 PM - Time for a move out of the sleeping bag and onto the air mattress with Daddy.
10:02 PM - Back to the slpeeing bag
10:05 PM - Mommy joins us in the tent
10:10 PM - Daddy is ejected from the air mattress in order to sleep closer to Mommy.
10:12 PM - Back to the sleeping back since jumping on the air mattress isn't allowed at this point
10:13 PM - 11:00 PM - Listen calmly as the air conditioners serenade us.
11:00 PM - The next door neighbor turns on some sort of nuclear powered spotlight which illumintes their yard, our yard, and the tent. The shadows are aparently quite horrifying.
11:01 PM - After offering any number of wild sleeping options (in the playroom, in the sleeping bag, hanging in the attic like a bat), a bargain is struck to sleep inside.
11:15 PM - Everyone under the age of 5 is in bed and asleep. Is that bottle of wine still in the fridge?

Yes, the practice camping trip went well. I treasure every moment I spend with my daughter. I'm looking forward to the real thing in a few weeks.